First off, if you don’t want to read bad news, then run away. This post is nothing but bad news. September has been nothing but a long string of terrible events that is just plain wrong. I am sure I can find people to point fingers at, but it won’t change the facts at hand. With that being said, I know that this post will be of no value, and will not change facts. At best, it might bring a couple of tears to the one or two people that might read my blog, but if nothing else, I feel I should at least vent, because isn’t that what a personal blog is for?
Obviously, this post is about events that has affected me personally. And while I am not perfect, I am going to do my best to not be judgmental, and just state facts. Also, this post is not an attempt to ask for any hand outs, or even hand-ups. I almost never have help beyond the normal standard stuff that someone in my position and state would otherwise receive, and for that I am appreciative.
Dogs and Bugs
About a month ago, I received a call from the landlord that there was an infestation upstairs in the neighbors apartment. The coming weekend, the exterminators will be doing a chemical spray treatment and will have to enter my apartment as well. At the time, I was at my Shadyside’s doctors appointment. Obviously, when I returned home, I did what I could to examine for signs of the type of infestation the landlord noted. The exterminators came that weekend, and was rather respectful, but unknown to me, neither I nor the dogs could be in the building for a few hours. I spent a couple of days trying to prepare the unit for the work they needed to do, and was in a lot of extreme pain. When I had to leave, I took them to the local baseball field so they could play, and took them to local park (not playground) where I had to sit and the two in boredom had to sit alongside with me. Finally got to return home, and let them in the back yard while I entered my unit to open the windows, and let any toxic smell out before allowing the two back in. The exterminator will have to come at least two more times.
As terrible as this is, it only gets worse. Talisa (my Blue Doberman) for three – four weeks now has been scratching, excessively licking, and has bumps forming on her. Being on a severely limited income, I had with no success tried to get the money needed to be able to call for an appointment to get her checked out. It is not just a vet visit, but also a means to get her there to the vet (since her vet isn’t in walking distance), and also to get any prescription she needs to be filled. This may seem trivial, and for those that are in better financial state may say I shouldn’t have dogs if I live in my financial state. For those people, my reply is F**k YOU.
As for Talisa, I at last minute, I received a call to where I should be able to get her into a vet of a person I know, and the visit should be about $45. They will also get me and her there. At time of writing this post, I have $60 in cash, so I for one not sure how her visit will only be $45, and even if there are unicorns that poop fairy dust, I steal have to deal with the medicine that she will need for the apparent skin infection. In the same week I am writing this post, I also caught a couple of fleas (dead, or dying) while bathing them. Since they were dead or dying, this will mean that that monthly anti-flea/tick applications my dogs receive has done its job, but I suspect where they came from, but no proof. In the time since this chaos started, my dogs had no significant contact with other pets. My hopes is now, this appointment comes through as promised. While this may seem apparent, I am relying on a source that hasn’t been the most reliable. Still, here’s to hoping. If the vet feel that the condition might be chronic, recurring, or severe, I will have no choice but to surrender Talisa to a Doberman rescue. Also, if for any reason that the visit is unsuccessful, I will have no choice but to surrender her. For those that may ask why – to allow her to be at the level of discomfort I can only imagine she is in now for as long as it has now is an injustice to her. And in a world where unicorns poop fairy dust, I will keep her, and everything will be fine. However, in the world world – the thought that I may have to surrender her is a very real thing.
The reason is while Blue Dobermans have a unique shade about them that attracts positive attention, and many people find them aesthetically remarkable, they are often plague not only with the problems that are conventional to Doberman Pinschers, but also with severe skin problems – the most minor is balding. Other problems can include chronic skin problems that will make them a special needs dog. This is why a reputable breeder will never breed for them. If it comes to the point that I will be forced to surrender her, I can only hope that she will go to a home that will love her as much as she will love them. She in my opinion will only deserve the best.
When IOU isn’t good enough
This wouldn’t be a problem if a couple of people I deal with in life did the right thing. Two people have a phone line on my account. On paper, it makes sense. $25 per line, as opposed to $50 for a single line. Everyone makes out, right? Well, most. Due to regular delinquency, I have been at a financial hardship by covering a $200 cellular phone bill. Now, I will be honest – half of it is mine. but $200 has been a low point. By helping the people involved which under moral grounds should be rather important, and me believing that such group should have strong ties – I guess it would be partially my fault. With both parties at a combined total of almost $500, I would have been able to take care of Talisa and still have money. Now with my resources exhausted, I had no choice but to have the delinquent lines suspended. Since service is post-paid, I will still have one more phone bill that will be as much as my rent to address. I am now confident that this issue will not be resolved, and obviously the relationship with the associated people will be drastically affected. However with financial resources depleted – it does not change the fact that this will have a significant negative impact for the next couple months. I will definitely be tightening my belt as of a week ago. When speaking with one of the responsible parties, it was everyone’s fault but their own. When speaking to the other party, they noted they understand, but implied that everything will be as always have. As of three hours before the writing of this post, they had their line suspended. In about 17 days, the lines will be completely terminated.
Just Hate Failure
Those who know me knows that I can be cold and calculating when it comes to a problem. I go for the juggler of the problem and slice it with precision. This is just the way I am. I come across a problem, calculate the most efficient way to eliminate it, and execute the problem with out regret. However, I am at a lost. This is one where no option is good. I have no plan A, and Plan B is at best has a 50/50 chance of not being fullfilled. People has a funny thing called support networks. I see none. However, with everything in my life so minimal, I have no option of failure. And while I am hoping it is just pessimism that snuck up on me, I usually have a nasty habit of being right, even when I don’t want to be. People that know me knows I am not one that sugar coats things to make others or myself feel good. I tell people what they need to hear based on my perception of the situation. I do this to myself as well. Simply put, I do not see myself coming out unscathed. The events of life will impact negative consequences, and while I can blame myself for my doing, the things that matter the most to me has been influenced by things beyond my control. As long as I rent rather than own, and as long my income makes it nearly impossible to have a financial buffer – my life will never be great. If I owned my house, and had to call an exterminator, it will be because of my actions (whether intentional or not). I will only have myself to blame, and only I will face the consequences of my actions. If I could even touch the poverty line, I would have been able to get Talisa the care she needs immediately rather than trying in mostly vain and now hope for things to go right for another half of week. It is not even that I whine about sacrificing. I sacrifice all of the time. I am used to it, and for me it is just a fact of life. Just once in a while, it will be nice to reap for the sacrifices I sowed.
Well, I am done. If people comes across me and notice I have a little less faith in mankind and place karma in the real of unicorns that poop fairy dust, you now know why. And while I do not believe in a spiritual afterlife, it matters not as I am currently in my own state of hell. And for those that will wish to tell me it gets better, please tell your fairy tales to someone that needs to hear them. I have 20+ years of experience to tell me that my best days are behind me.